Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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