I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
