I look better un-naked...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
