I'm really into asian looking animals
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
