I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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