You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
