I got chris browned last night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
