why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
