you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm both gender and math confused
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
