My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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