My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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