Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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