Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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