I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
