i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
