Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.