Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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