so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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