Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.