I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?