Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?

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  (970): Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet? http://tfl.nu/tasx
  Replies (3) Good night (1730) Bad night (553)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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  (703): How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time. http://tfl.nu/qie0
  Replies (2) Good night (1424) Bad night (508)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.

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  (423): Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately. http://tfl.nu/vgak
  Replies (18) Good night (2205) Bad night (593)
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  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (114) Good night (24571) Bad night (942)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.

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  (734): going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season. http://tfl.nu/7bt6
  Replies (12) Good night (3370) Bad night (799)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

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  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4880) Bad night (1640)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon

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  (403): well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon http://tfl.nu/7c63
  Replies (6) Good night (3505) Bad night (994)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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  (940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9
  Replies (13) Good night (4110) Bad night (793)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent

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  (775): Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent http://tfl.nu/ylaq
  Replies (6) Good night (629) Bad night (1183)
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  (650): View more from California

  My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.

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  (650): My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings. http://tfl.nu/futo
  Replies (14) Good night (2213) Bad night (808)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.

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  (770): I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely. http://tfl.nu/2b5h
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (363)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.

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  (519): People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style. http://tfl.nu/g3nw
  Replies (3) Good night (1131) Bad night (354)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you

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  (904): All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you http://tfl.nu/8984
  Replies (2) Good night (364) Bad night (905)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.

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  (585): You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking. http://tfl.nu/3gz9
  Replies (4) Good night (453) Bad night (220)
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  (530): View more from California

  Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering

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  (530): Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering http://tfl.nu/xcut
  Replies (0) Good night (243) Bad night (542)

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