i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
