he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
