New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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