Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I believe in your delicious
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
