like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
