I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
