ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
