Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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