I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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