i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
