We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
