I wanna bring you to show and tell
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
