His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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