it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
