Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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