at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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