I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
