my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize