i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
