We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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