i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
