with your own penis?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
