remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
