saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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