one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
