I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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