I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
