Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so let's talk penis.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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