the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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