I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
