dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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