Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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