my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
