my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
