...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
