My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
