if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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