I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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