Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
