Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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