and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
