Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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