I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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