you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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