Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
