There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
