just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
