last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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