I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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