I wanna bring you to show and tell
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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