Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
