she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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