I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
