don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
sex in a hospital.. check
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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