This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
