We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
