People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
